Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
