ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
