i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
