it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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