I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
