1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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