In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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