Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
