Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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