My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
