I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
