Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
