Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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