you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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