She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
