im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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