i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
