sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
