you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
only you would photoshop your dick
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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