Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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