half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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