i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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