Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
