i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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