I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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