I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
