shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's shark week go big or go home
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
