your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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