i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
