that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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