There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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