So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
