Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
