She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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