you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
