My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
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