dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I am mentally ready for anal.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
