She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
