PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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