My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
