well you can't waste a boner
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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