i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
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