somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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