also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
