Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
