Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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