Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you mean i was at the winter classic?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
