The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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