you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
