Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
