it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
