Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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