sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
