i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
