I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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