Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
