billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
