His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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