This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
