I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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