it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize