I hate your face
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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