the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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