you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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