I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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