i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
