dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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