If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
