i think my tv is drunk
Just cropdusted the office
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
