I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
