are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
