So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
